Boyfriend’s mom calls his girlfriend a temporary addition to the family during birthday toast, so she pays her own bill and leaves for good: 'She looked directly at me and smiled'

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Apr 19, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Whether you're a family person or not, dating someone whose mother finds herself to be the main character can never end well. If you're dating a man who's a momma's boy, sometimes even the best of impressions will always fall short in her eyes, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. The only person who can change the tone of the room is your boyfriend, who should stand up for you and draw a boundary with his mom if he truly cares about you. That's what this woman was waiting for when her boyfriend's mom made a terribly insulting comment during a birthday toast (at a dinner the girlfriend was helping pay for, btw). But when her boyfriend stayed quiet and everyone in the room just awkwardly laughed, she decided he was the temporary boyfriend. After excusing herself to the bathroom, she came back, paid for just her meal, and walked out for good. 

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  • AITAH for refusing to pay for my boyfriend’s mom’s birthday dinner after she called me his “temporary girlfriend”?

    I (27F) have been dating my boyfriend (30M) for about a year and a half. Things have been going well-he's sweet, we talk about moving in together, and I've met his family a few times. His mom,
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  • however, has never liked me. I don't know why. I'm polite, successful, I bring gifts, I make an effort― but she treats me like I'm just some random he picked up off the street.
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  • Last weekend, it was her birthday, and my boyfriend planned this big family dinner at a fancy restaurant. I offered to help pay, and he said it'd be nice if I covered half since we were splitting the bill between
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  • I think we need more clarification on what “half” means here. Have of his portion, or half of the entire bill?! We hope for this woman's sake she wasn't agreeing to pay for half of the bill. In fact, she shouldn't be agreeing to pay for any of the bill at all, especially if this is the way his mother thanks her. 

  • "the kids" (his siblings and us). Cool, no problem. Dinner's going well-until his mom raises a toast and says: "I'm just so happy to be surrounded
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  • by family... and some of the newer, hopefully temporary additions." Then she looks directly at me and smiles. The whole table laughed awkwardly. I looked at my boyfriend like, "Are you
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  • gonna say something??" and he just gave me a please don't make a scene face. So I excused myself, went to the bathroom, and when I came back, I told the waiter, "Split my items
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  • to my own bill please. I'm paying for myself and that's it." Paid my part. Left. Later, my boyfriend texted saying I was "disrespectful" and "made
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  • a scene over a joke," and now his mom thinks I'm dramatic and unstable. I told him the disrespect came from his mom, and if he's okay with her calling me "temporary" after a year and a half, maybe she's right.
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  • He hasn't responded since yesterday. AITAH?
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  • Bluebell2519 He hasn't responded since yesterday? I guess he's an ex now because that was not acceptable and neither is his silence. NTA
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  • JuucedIn Loser family. Glad you escaped in time.
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  • Ok_Row_2861 Why you would be expected to pay for any, much less half, of a family dinner is beyond me. Why you haven't
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  • dumped the mfer in full also eludes me. That you e put up with his mom's disrespect for a year and a half is absurd. That he defends her and accuses you of being dramatic and unstable in the face
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  • of her continued behavior is an absolute deal breaker. When he finally contacts you again let him know that you've moved on and wish him well with his Oedipus Complex.
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  • plantprinses Your ex-bf is a spineless twatbasket and a mama's boy. You're well rid of him.
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  • StandingGoat NTA - that's a BF issue not a BF's mother issue. Not only does he fail to stand up for you in the moment but he doubles down and blames you after the fact.
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  • grayblue_grrl He's not your boyfriend. You are someone he can have s... with and still hold onto his family.
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  • THEY are more important than you are. Usually I refuse to give. manipulative people what they want. But always in the case "where mommy wants
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  • her baby back" and her baby is still a baby not a full grown adult - I believe they should get exactly what they want. Give his mom the birthday present she
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  • deserves. Her birthday wish. Be done with the lot of them. HE is never going to be of value. NTA
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  • IAmTAAlways Make him temporary and make his expiration date today. NTA
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  • ZCT808 Yeah. I'd be done. Here are the red flags.
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  • First off, mother overly involved and judgy about a girlfriend. Incredibly unhealthy and weird. Second, he had every opportunity to 'man up' defend you and
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  • protect you, draw a line in the sand. Side with you and show you that you were his new family. Finally, even after time to reflect he has identified YOU as the
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  • problem. Gas lighting, telling you that YOU are overreacting to a 'joke'. Actually having the balls to claim YOU were 'disrespectful.' Oh and additional insult to injury, now being childish and
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  • trying to punish you with the silent treatment (which is kind of middle school level of maturity). So yeah, I'd be done with this sh. I was
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  • once in a relationship with a girl who had a toxic family, so glad I don't have that in my life anymore.
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Tags

boyfriend drama temporary birthday mother Female Empowerment relationships parenting girlfriend petty dinner mother in law family karma entitled people
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